Monday, February 17, 2014

Are you here? Tales from the land of snow and ice and crabby people.

There is so much to say.  It is hard to be eloquent when overloaded so let me make a list:

Since we last talked:

my new job is intense (and awesome)
we might be moving
might be contemplating some other really big changes too
I still drink too much (coffee, soda, whiskey - depends on the time of day)
my husband and I are really trying to find a way to purposefully connect

my Luke has been withdrawn from kindergarten
I am on a rampage with the Catholic school
he was doing wrestling and loving it and loving the people
he broke his collar bone and now wrestling is done for the season
he was sooo brave and so interested in the x-rays and the process
he is becoming very philosophical 

Dottie has become emotionally overwrought about 15 times a day every day
she still loves sequins
she still sparkles (when she is not freaking out about something)
she is the only one in my house that doesn't hate winter at this point
she is my true challenge, i find it hard to connect with her sometimes 
she is so smart, it has me pulling my hair out

Charlie is pretty much sleeping (!!!) through the night (only took 2 years)
he is starting the speech therapy journey, which should make me happy because
its helping him, but kinda makes me sad
he worships the ground his brother walks on
he turns two and for the first time ever, we are not having a birthday party,
he just hates having people at our house and he is sooooo much more shy than the others
he loves to dance and he still hates to snuggle
he is also starting to hit which is very uncool

Mike.  he is good.  generous.  serious.  committed.  
he makes me laugh
he wants to make things easier/better/more awesome
he never laughs at my crazy ideas
he is tired and working very hard. 
he is so very cute.  

me?  I think I put too much pressure on most situations. 
I am still exacting, and want others to be exacting MY WAY
I am trying to let go of that
I am working on finding a better center - 
what really gives me support, what really energizes me?  
where are the emotional vampires and how do i avoid them? 
why do I own so many pairs of blue jeans? 
why don't I own more quality black shoes?

mostly I am good. I am trying not to be too self harsh - the world has enough harsh in it.  

Monday, December 2, 2013

December Manifesto

I have resolved the following:

1.  I will enjoy December and the Christmas holiday.

2.  I will NOT try and do everything, just do a few things well.

3.  I will try and instill in my children that joy is from doing and being not having.

4.  I will NOT allow my parents to guilt me into doing something for Christmas that does not work for my family.

5.  I will make time to see my professional friends and celebrate a good year with them.

6.  I will NOT constantly complain about how busy I am.

7.  I will NOT expect others to see things my way and just accept that I view the world differently.

8.  I will be eternally grateful for my friends - those who make me laugh on dark days and wipe away tears, those who offer to make birthday cakes, those who indulge my inner schemer, those that although far away, are close to my heart, those that know and accept my imperfections.  Thank you for for being those friends to me girls!!

9.  I will not be embarrassed by crying at little kid Christmas programs.

10.  I will watch Christmas cartoons and drink Tom and Jerrys.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Its ok.

It's ok that my house is a mess.

It's ok that going on a work trip felt like vacation because I got to sleep uninterrupted for 9 hours.

It's ok that I am not like other lawyers.

It's ok that I hate to wear suits and prefer retro dresses and cardigans.

It's ok that I live for the random snarky mommy texts from friends to get me through some dark moments.

It's ok that I cannot always put others first.

It's ok that I cannot be at both kids Halloween parties at one time.

It's ok that we might not be perfectly coordinated for holiday photos.

It does not mean I am a gross slob.

It does not mean, I don't miss my kids when I am gone.

It does not mean I am not a good lawyer.

It does not mean I cannot contribute.

It does not mean my friends and I don't fiercely love those little naughty beasts.

It does not mean I don't whole heartedly love those other people, but that I cannot always put them in front of the cart.

It does not mean I am playing favorites or that my kids will be emotionally stunted.

It does not mean that the photos are not important to me.

No more self doubt.  Or at least less self doubt.  Right?

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Remember me? Remembering is hard...

I am still here dear interwebs.  But it is complicated.

I have started my new job.  I think it is going to be good and interesting and a lot of positive things.  But it is so very hard to be new.  You forget all the things about work that you "just know" that you had to learn somewhere, sometime.

I hate that feeling.  The feeling of not knowing if being 5 minutes late is a big deal, or wondering if the internet police are watching you.  You know.  The actual work?  No biggie.  I have that handled.  The office part?  Making friends part?


My children, as is their way, are not making it easy on me.  Charlie does not sleep.  ever.  He is a climber and appears to be wired to be an engineer.  He is going to have to move to a big bed sooner than I would like (since he doesn't sleep) and I am going to have to put 2 stacked baby gates in his room so he doesn't roam the house and burn the place down.  We learned he can climb out of the crib not by a big crash and cry, but by Mike opening the door to our bedroom to find every light in the house on, all the blankets, pillows, toys, other miscellaneous stuff in our living room all over the house and Charlie, happier than a clam wearing nothing other than his diaper.  Because apparently ninjas do not wear pants.  ever.

We are still adjusting to school for the Luke.  He has some good days and some bad days.  His mother is not the greatest at communicating with teachers.  Mike in fact, has been appointed the official communicator with the school.  Momma bears are tricky it seems.

Dorothy.  My sweet, fierce Dorothy has sucked the life from me.  She NEVER wants anyone other than her to talk.  She constantly interrupts and then says nonsense.  Breaking her of this habit without breaking her spirit is exhausting.

Mike.  Remember him?  Me too.  Barely, like a distant memory we are having a hard time spending even 10 minutes together.  That makes me sad, but the issues above make it a reality right now.  We will find a way to spend some time together, but it might have to wait til the holidays.  ha.

I will try not to be gone so long.  I have missed you.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Hey remember that?

If you look in the wayback machine, you might remember this discussion - VENTAGE YEAR OF AWESOME and my discussion of some goals and to do's for 2013.  I haven't had an update for a while, but I wanted to talk about one of them -

4. Work.  I need a plan, a road map.  I have some ideas of where I want to be - now I need to figure out how to make that happen.  GOAL:  Create an action plan and work the steps, allow self the space to change/edit/grow but DO NOT GIVE UP.  

So in January, I knew that I was feeling like it was time to move on from my job.  I have had a great experience here but was ready for something new, something that would push me.  Since January, a lot of interesting options have come my way.

I have made a choice.

Last Tuesday, I gave notice of my resignation from my job.

In the middle of October, I will be starting a new job.  A promotion.  Head labor & employment counsel for North America for a large global company.

I am excited.

I am grateful - my husband is making a lot of changes to allow this to work for our family.

I am nervous - it is hard leaving friends and the comfort of what we KNOW for the unknown.  I am nervous about all the adjustments and changes my family is making, can I be the mom I want to be and take this job?
I hope so.

I am glad it isn't a secret.

Remember, we can make the things we want to happen, happen.   It might not happen on the time table we want but we can get there.

get it girl.

Monday, September 23, 2013

The Amazing Miss Emily

A very sweet girl is celebrating her birthday today.  

It is Em's day today (all day) and I wanted to take a minute to give her this shout out.  

She is funny - like pee your pants funny.  She once wrote me a rap - "Lice, Lice, Baby" that was to cheer me up when I had a 1 week old baby and two children with the crawlies.  That, friends, is friendship.  

She has had a busy year.  Being pregnant with two little people is much harder than having three little people (in my experience).  She never complained though.  She cheerfully put up with us drunk girls over Memorial day weekend (as evidenced by my crazy eyes in this picture), she indulged our love of gin and ginger, when I am SURE she was tired and just wanted to go to bed.  

She is a great mom.  Her children are sweet and funny and interesting and creative.  Their mom rocks and she loves them so deeply and her commitment to them is inspiring to me.  I cannot wait to meet Mr. Oliver and see how their family grows and changes - Em is up to the challenge that is for sure.  

She makes me think about things.  Em and I have different perspectives on a lot of things but she is open to talking about things and putting her ideas out there - not judging but thinking.  I like that.  I like that she doesn't seem to care when we disagree but that she doesn't hold back from discussing either.  

She is beautiful.  I wish she knew how beautiful she is.  She has beautiful eyes that are sparkling, she has wonderful skin that has a pink glow to it.  She hates the makeup, probably because she doens't need it. 

She is true.  She will say things to me that might be hard to say but coming from a good place.  She is the diplomat that I am not and I am grateful for her counsel on a number of issues.  She has given me solid feedback on having a struggling kindergartner, how to navigate teachers and dealing with crazy families.  

Em, I love you girl.  Thank you for being in my life and sharing your life with me.  

I am sharing this pictures of our girls.  I like it because they are sass and sweet and ready to take on the world.  Just like their mommas.  

Monday, September 16, 2013

hello monday

hello to a Friday that was much better than the rest of the week.  Kindergarten adjustment has been HAAAARRDD and we were all feeling a little shell shocked last week.

hello to a husband that is done traveling for work for awhile (I hope).  I know he hates to be gone, but it is stressful and damn, I just like it better when he is home.

hello to spa bliss.  Mike and the kids had given me a gift card to a spa for my birthday, a facial and massage were oh so nice.  I had so many knots and bubbles in my upper back and neck that the masseuse asked if he was hurting me.  hurt so good I guess.

hello to hellos and hello to goodbyes.  big announcement coming in a few days.

hello to wedding plans and outfits and haircuts and travel arrangements and changing family dynamics.  Who knew that a brother getting married would be so fraught with landmines!

hello to texts that make me laugh.  I wonder how I ever made it in life before texting.  i heart texting.

hello week, I am totally ready to slay you.