It's ok that my house is a mess.
It's ok that going on a work trip felt like vacation because I got to sleep uninterrupted for 9 hours.
It's ok that I am not like other lawyers.
It's ok that I hate to wear suits and prefer retro dresses and cardigans.
It's ok that I live for the random snarky mommy texts from friends to get me through some dark moments.
It's ok that I cannot always put others first.
It's ok that I cannot be at both kids Halloween parties at one time.
It's ok that we might not be perfectly coordinated for holiday photos.
It does not mean I am a gross slob.
It does not mean, I don't miss my kids when I am gone.
It does not mean I am not a good lawyer.
It does not mean I cannot contribute.
It does not mean my friends and I don't fiercely love those little naughty beasts.
It does not mean I don't whole heartedly love those other people, but that I cannot always put them in front of the cart.
It does not mean I am playing favorites or that my kids will be emotionally stunted.
It does not mean that the photos are not important to me.
No more self doubt. Or at least less self doubt. Right?
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Remember me? Remembering is hard...
I am still here dear interwebs. But it is complicated.
I have started my new job. I think it is going to be good and interesting and a lot of positive things. But it is so very hard to be new. You forget all the things about work that you "just know" that you had to learn somewhere, sometime.
I hate that feeling. The feeling of not knowing if being 5 minutes late is a big deal, or wondering if the internet police are watching you. You know. The actual work? No biggie. I have that handled. The office part? Making friends part?
Hard.
My children, as is their way, are not making it easy on me. Charlie does not sleep. ever. He is a climber and appears to be wired to be an engineer. He is going to have to move to a big bed sooner than I would like (since he doesn't sleep) and I am going to have to put 2 stacked baby gates in his room so he doesn't roam the house and burn the place down. We learned he can climb out of the crib not by a big crash and cry, but by Mike opening the door to our bedroom to find every light in the house on, all the blankets, pillows, toys, other miscellaneous stuff in our living room all over the house and Charlie, happier than a clam wearing nothing other than his diaper. Because apparently ninjas do not wear pants. ever.
We are still adjusting to school for the Luke. He has some good days and some bad days. His mother is not the greatest at communicating with teachers. Mike in fact, has been appointed the official communicator with the school. Momma bears are tricky it seems.
Dorothy. My sweet, fierce Dorothy has sucked the life from me. She NEVER wants anyone other than her to talk. She constantly interrupts and then says nonsense. Breaking her of this habit without breaking her spirit is exhausting.
Mike. Remember him? Me too. Barely, like a distant memory we are having a hard time spending even 10 minutes together. That makes me sad, but the issues above make it a reality right now. We will find a way to spend some time together, but it might have to wait til the holidays. ha.
I will try not to be gone so long. I have missed you.
I have started my new job. I think it is going to be good and interesting and a lot of positive things. But it is so very hard to be new. You forget all the things about work that you "just know" that you had to learn somewhere, sometime.
I hate that feeling. The feeling of not knowing if being 5 minutes late is a big deal, or wondering if the internet police are watching you. You know. The actual work? No biggie. I have that handled. The office part? Making friends part?
Hard.
My children, as is their way, are not making it easy on me. Charlie does not sleep. ever. He is a climber and appears to be wired to be an engineer. He is going to have to move to a big bed sooner than I would like (since he doesn't sleep) and I am going to have to put 2 stacked baby gates in his room so he doesn't roam the house and burn the place down. We learned he can climb out of the crib not by a big crash and cry, but by Mike opening the door to our bedroom to find every light in the house on, all the blankets, pillows, toys, other miscellaneous stuff in our living room all over the house and Charlie, happier than a clam wearing nothing other than his diaper. Because apparently ninjas do not wear pants. ever.
We are still adjusting to school for the Luke. He has some good days and some bad days. His mother is not the greatest at communicating with teachers. Mike in fact, has been appointed the official communicator with the school. Momma bears are tricky it seems.
Dorothy. My sweet, fierce Dorothy has sucked the life from me. She NEVER wants anyone other than her to talk. She constantly interrupts and then says nonsense. Breaking her of this habit without breaking her spirit is exhausting.
Mike. Remember him? Me too. Barely, like a distant memory we are having a hard time spending even 10 minutes together. That makes me sad, but the issues above make it a reality right now. We will find a way to spend some time together, but it might have to wait til the holidays. ha.
I will try not to be gone so long. I have missed you.
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