December Manifesto

I have resolved the following:

1.  I will enjoy December and the Christmas holiday.

2.  I will NOT try and do everything, just do a few things well.

3.  I will try and instill in my children that joy is from doing and being not having.

4.  I will NOT allow my parents to guilt me into doing something for Christmas that does not work for my family.

5.  I will make time to see my professional friends and celebrate a good year with them.

6.  I will NOT constantly complain about how busy I am.

7.  I will NOT expect others to see things my way and just accept that I view the world differently.

8.  I will be eternally grateful for my friends - those who make me laugh on dark days and wipe away tears, those who offer to make birthday cakes, those who indulge my inner schemer, those that although far away, are close to my heart, those that know and accept my imperfections.  Thank you for for being those friends to me girls!!

9.  I will not be embarrassed by crying at little kid Christmas programs.

10.  I will watch Christmas cartoons and drink Tom and Jerrys.

Its ok.

It's ok that my house is a mess.

It's ok that going on a work trip felt like vacation because I got to sleep uninterrupted for 9 hours.

It's ok that I am not like other lawyers.

It's ok that I hate to wear suits and prefer retro dresses and cardigans.

It's ok that I live for the random snarky mommy texts from friends to get me through some dark moments.

It's ok that I cannot always put others first.

It's ok that I cannot be at both kids Halloween parties at one time.

It's ok that we might not be perfectly coordinated for holiday photos.

It does not mean I am a gross slob.

It does not mean, I don't miss my kids when I am gone.

It does not mean I am not a good lawyer.

It does not mean I cannot contribute.

It does not mean my friends and I don't fiercely love those little naughty beasts.

It does not mean I don't whole heartedly love those other people, but that I cannot always put them in front of the cart.

It does not mean I am playing favorites or that my kids will be emotionally stunted.

It does not mean that the photos are not important to me.

No more self doubt.  Or at least less self doubt.  Right?

Remember me? Remembering is hard...

I am still here dear interwebs.  But it is complicated.

I have started my new job.  I think it is going to be good and interesting and a lot of positive things.  But it is so very hard to be new.  You forget all the things about work that you "just know" that you had to learn somewhere, sometime.

I hate that feeling.  The feeling of not knowing if being 5 minutes late is a big deal, or wondering if the internet police are watching you.  You know.  The actual work?  No biggie.  I have that handled.  The office part?  Making friends part?

Hard.

My children, as is their way, are not making it easy on me.  Charlie does not sleep.  ever.  He is a climber and appears to be wired to be an engineer.  He is going to have to move to a big bed sooner than I would like (since he doesn't sleep) and I am going to have to put 2 stacked baby gates in his room so he doesn't roam the house and burn the place down.  We learned he can climb out of the crib not by a big crash and cry, but by Mike opening the door to our bedroom to find every light in the house on, all the blankets, pillows, toys, other miscellaneous stuff in our living room all over the house and Charlie, happier than a clam wearing nothing other than his diaper.  Because apparently ninjas do not wear pants.  ever.

We are still adjusting to school for the Luke.  He has some good days and some bad days.  His mother is not the greatest at communicating with teachers.  Mike in fact, has been appointed the official communicator with the school.  Momma bears are tricky it seems.

Dorothy.  My sweet, fierce Dorothy has sucked the life from me.  She NEVER wants anyone other than her to talk.  She constantly interrupts and then says nonsense.  Breaking her of this habit without breaking her spirit is exhausting.

Mike.  Remember him?  Me too.  Barely, like a distant memory we are having a hard time spending even 10 minutes together.  That makes me sad, but the issues above make it a reality right now.  We will find a way to spend some time together, but it might have to wait til the holidays.  ha.

I will try not to be gone so long.  I have missed you.

Hey remember that?

If you look in the wayback machine, you might remember this discussion - VENTAGE YEAR OF AWESOME and my discussion of some goals and to do's for 2013.  I haven't had an update for a while, but I wanted to talk about one of them -

4. Work.  I need a plan, a road map.  I have some ideas of where I want to be - now I need to figure out how to make that happen.  GOAL:  Create an action plan and work the steps, allow self the space to change/edit/grow but DO NOT GIVE UP.  

So in January, I knew that I was feeling like it was time to move on from my job.  I have had a great experience here but was ready for something new, something that would push me.  Since January, a lot of interesting options have come my way.

I have made a choice.

Last Tuesday, I gave notice of my resignation from my job.

In the middle of October, I will be starting a new job.  A promotion.  Head labor & employment counsel for North America for a large global company.

I am excited.

I am grateful - my husband is making a lot of changes to allow this to work for our family.

I am nervous - it is hard leaving friends and the comfort of what we KNOW for the unknown.  I am nervous about all the adjustments and changes my family is making, can I be the mom I want to be and take this job?
I hope so.

I am glad it isn't a secret.

Remember, we can make the things we want to happen, happen.   It might not happen on the time table we want but we can get there.

get it girl.

The Amazing Miss Emily

A very sweet girl is celebrating her birthday today.  

It is Em's day today (all day) and I wanted to take a minute to give her this shout out.  

She is funny - like pee your pants funny.  She once wrote me a rap - "Lice, Lice, Baby" that was to cheer me up when I had a 1 week old baby and two children with the crawlies.  That, friends, is friendship.  

She has had a busy year.  Being pregnant with two little people is much harder than having three little people (in my experience).  She never complained though.  She cheerfully put up with us drunk girls over Memorial day weekend (as evidenced by my crazy eyes in this picture), she indulged our love of gin and ginger, when I am SURE she was tired and just wanted to go to bed.  

She is a great mom.  Her children are sweet and funny and interesting and creative.  Their mom rocks and she loves them so deeply and her commitment to them is inspiring to me.  I cannot wait to meet Mr. Oliver and see how their family grows and changes - Em is up to the challenge that is for sure.  

She makes me think about things.  Em and I have different perspectives on a lot of things but she is open to talking about things and putting her ideas out there - not judging but thinking.  I like that.  I like that she doesn't seem to care when we disagree but that she doesn't hold back from discussing either.  

She is beautiful.  I wish she knew how beautiful she is.  She has beautiful eyes that are sparkling, she has wonderful skin that has a pink glow to it.  She hates the makeup, probably because she doens't need it. 

She is true.  She will say things to me that might be hard to say but coming from a good place.  She is the diplomat that I am not and I am grateful for her counsel on a number of issues.  She has given me solid feedback on having a struggling kindergartner, how to navigate teachers and dealing with crazy families.  

Em, I love you girl.  Thank you for being in my life and sharing your life with me.  

I am sharing this pictures of our girls.  I like it because they are sass and sweet and ready to take on the world.  Just like their mommas.  

hello monday

hello to a Friday that was much better than the rest of the week.  Kindergarten adjustment has been HAAAARRDD and we were all feeling a little shell shocked last week.

hello to a husband that is done traveling for work for awhile (I hope).  I know he hates to be gone, but it is stressful and damn, I just like it better when he is home.

hello to spa bliss.  Mike and the kids had given me a gift card to a spa for my birthday, a facial and massage were oh so nice.  I had so many knots and bubbles in my upper back and neck that the masseuse asked if he was hurting me.  hurt so good I guess.

hello to hellos and hello to goodbyes.  big announcement coming in a few days.

hello to wedding plans and outfits and haircuts and travel arrangements and changing family dynamics.  Who knew that a brother getting married would be so fraught with landmines!

hello to texts that make me laugh.  I wonder how I ever made it in life before texting.  i heart texting.

hello week, I am totally ready to slay you.

36 - Stuck in the Middle With You.

Yesterday, I turned 36.  I am officially into my late 30's.  You know what?  I am ok with that.  My 30's have been full of the most ups and downs of my entire life.  All my joy and heartache encapsulated into a short decade (well, 6 years to date).

This is a post to remind myself that all that heartache has come with real, lasting and deep joy.

Beginnings and Endings are hard.  I am much better "in the middle"  when you have found the sweet spot of things (even if imperfect) being what you expect.

That should mean that being "in the middle" of my thirties will be awesome.

This is the only picture I took of myself yesterday.  You can't see it, but the necklace I am wearing reads "Good things take time".

I am loved.

These goofballs push me more than I ever expected.  Being a mom is not something that I feel naturally inclined towards - I am impatient, demanding, critical and crave much more down time than I get.  But damn, these kids are more than I am worth.  Challenging, smart, funny and emotional.  I see myself in their struggles and try to make sure I keep in mind that it is about THEM and not ME.  and you know what?  That is fucking hard for me.  :)  But I love them.  I love learning through their eyes and the pure excitement and zest for life.  I love that they hug unabashedly and dance and laugh and cry and hurt and then get over it.  This is the part that moms say flies by - not the sleepless nights, or crying, or cleaning up vomit, the pure LIFE that flows from kids that is too quickly zapped out of them.  

and this guy:  

He is solid.  Cheering me on and the only person on Earth who seems to be able to always (even when he is mad, or I am irritated) read my heart.  The one who won't let me despair because, damn Ang, look at this life we have created.  This journey is all us and not me.

Dear rest of my 30's,

I am ready for you.  And I still intend to look good.

Love,
Angie

Steph - Ventage Wednesday 9/4/2013

Ok so it is not Tuesday.  We Ventage girls are a busy lot.  Life happens.  I love picking out clothes.  I love talking about clothes.  I love my Ventage girlies.

Todays plan was to put together a fall outfit for a Ventage friend.  I have Miss Stephanie.  Steph has been working hard on getting fit and healthy post two babies.  She is looking fly and has really inspired me to get my butt to work and get healthy and be deliberate.

I tried to find something cute and casual and adaptable. Stephanie's coloring is VERY different than mine, it made it tricky for me to find the right color palette that seemed Steph-ish.  

Here are my finds.  I think this would also be cute with a maxi skirt instead of jeans.

Steph - Ventage Wednesday 9/4/2013 by angiejolson featuring a bead necklace

Moon Collection green top / Old Navy plus size tank top / Lucky Brand jeans / Accessorize ballet shoes / FOSSIL crossbody handbag / Kenneth Cole bead necklace / Too Faced Cosmetics

Freak Out Friday

We leave for vacation in less than 18 hours.  Family time, unplugged time, outdoors time.  Sounds wonderful, huh?

Well, it sounds great except for the next 18 hours of finishing work projects, laundry, planning, packing, trying to peel the kids off the walls.  That sounds pretty painful. 

But don't worry.  I have already purchased the booze.

WTF Wednesday

Things are a little hectic around here.  And sometimes, I start to wonder if I am losing my mind.  Just a few WTF's from the past few days -

I bought a fishing license and fishing gear.  This is pretty WTF - remember?  I am the outdoors type in that I like to get drunk on patios.  That is pretty much it.  I must love those little demon children if I am willing to sink to such levels.

Speaking of demon children, this morning at 5:45 am Luke wanted to watch Shark Week.  I explained that it was too early to watch Shark Week (I also think it is always too something to watch Shark Week, but I digress) Dottie pipes up "Its too early to buy Beer, Luke." I don't know if I should be WTF or Proud.  Its a Sconnie dilemma.

My children love one kind of pizza in particular - Pepperoni and Green Olives.  This has been their favorite for some time.  Last night?  Dottie - I don't like this pizza.  WTF!

My husband is traveling for work.  He seems to have lost his good manners.  He answers the phone barking questions at me.  No good morning, no I miss you sweetums, just questions questions questions.  WTF.

That is just a few.  Mostly, life is good but man, those little WTF moments sneak up on you!

hello monday...

hello mike out of town.  I am running solo with the kids Sunday through Thursday.  Thankfully we do not have too much scheduled in the evenings so we can have some down time.

hello constant barrage of sleep issues. as is the way for parents, I get one kid sleeping good and they others start to fall apart.  We are trying to wean Luke off his nap (yes, he is five and still naps) and learning to re-orient ourselves to this new change.  Dottie is looking like naps are not long for this world either so it is a big change.  poor Charlie is still a crappy sleeper.  Last night, he (and me!) got maybe 3 hours of sleep.  aaaahhhh this is the bliss of momma-hood we dreamt about, right?

hello family time.  we leave for vacation on Saturday.  I have done NOTHING to prepare.  I have been bitching for like a month (sorry Barb and Stephanie) about my need to plan.  still haven't done it.  probably won't now til Mike gets home.  I hate feeling scattered and without a strategy!

hello princess  engineer.   Dottie has a devotion to lego duplos.  We have a great mix of gender neutral legos and some princess legos.  She LLLLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUURRRRVES the princess castle sets and her imagination is quite elaborate.  The last castle creation had three gardens, a splash pad (with slide) a tea party room and a secret napping room (all the dancing makes you tired, but I guess that is a secret).  She was telling me last night that she wants to be a princess builder when she grows up and make castles.  I told her that was an engineer or an architect.  She corrected me, princess engineer momma.  I'll take it.  I don't care if the legos are all pink and glitter and she is building castles - she is using her brain, building, and problem solving and it is awesome.  and lets face it, I wish I was a princess lawyer most days too.

hello wardrobe.  I love my summer wardrobe and am getting cranky just thinking about fall clothes.  Despite my love of jewel tones and jeans, I am not looking forward to packing away the summer dresses.

Hometown

Going home.  Sometimes a bit of a challenge even though the distance isn't far.  Home is lots of things

The wedding was beautiful as was Amy.  It was a celebration of grown up imperfect love and it was wonderful.  

It was also, for me, a weekend of imperfect love for a hometown.  

It included lots of this beverage from the waters of the Chippewa - 

Maybe not the greatest craft beer of all time, but still one of my nostalgic favorites.  I will always be a Leinies girl as long as there is no fruit involved.  

These girls made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt.  

I loved their old habits that I remember and their new lives and loves that were awesome to hear about.  Mostly? it was great being with friends who knew you when so they don't spend a lot of time thinking about how you could be better because they spend their time thinking about how far you have come.

There was dancing.  Mike discovered that dancing in front of a mirror is awesome.  He was channeling his inner stripper I think.  No, we are not installing a mirror in our bedroom, thank you very much.  

We went to a dive bar.  A bar where it is NECESSARY to drink something that came out of a can or bottle and not something mixed or off the gun. Where karaoke is king and you better be damn sure to not tap the microphone.  Where the mix of SirMixALot, Bon Jovi, Kenny Rogers, and Maroon 5 just seemed right.  Kinda like the soundtrack of our lives.

There were bars where the smell of pinesol (industrial) and sweat and (lets face it) pee was just part of the background, bars where a history of dancing on the bar was not unheard of, bars I may have historically been kicked out of, bars where NO LIGHT BEER is sold.

Seems like a lot of bars, right?  Yeah, that is my hometown.  Full of my yesterdays - lots of not so great choices combined with some really effing great memories.

This guy?  Rockstar husband this weekend.  Indulged my bad behavior, drove us around, danced and sang and got his EC freak on.  Even though we were very juvenile, he never let on.  

Then Sunday?  Man, reentry is tough.  Especially with these cuties waiting for us:  

It may have been a long ride home with five very cranky family members.  But I would do it all again in a heart beat!

Friday Quick Hits

Things have been a little nuts here.

Work is crazy.  I have gone all high school locker style with the cabinet above my desk.  It keeps me motivated that I can continue to be a creative and interesting person and keep doing my work.  Only time will tell.

I grew up in a very large family.  I have over 50 first cousins.  Charlie is playing with my cousin Tina's little guy, Daniel in this picture.  I am lonesome (if that is the right word) for those connections and wish my kids lived closer to their extended family and that they could grow up with a large family.  Not in the cards though, and it makes me sad even if they don't know what they are missing.  (and arent they cute?)

My parents.  Man, they pretty much rock.  You know why?  Their life long quest to help my brother and I be independent.  To not need them.  I hope I can do that for my kids.  Give them roots/wings and all that junk.  (and isn't my mom cute - she was not a fan of the selfie but I love it, even with the crappy lighting).

Speaking of selfies - 

Here are a few of my Aug 1 Selfie outtakes.  Aug 1 was a CRAPPY day.  I don't thin the no makeup and bad hair and sloppy clothes helped but guess what interwebs?  My life is not like a commercial and I have no interest in pretending that it does.  

Parenting books are crap.  Even if there is a nugget of goodness in there, I find them full of these irritating platitudes - I WISH MY KIDS WERE NAUGHTY SO I COULD DEMONSTRATE MY SUPERIOR PARENTING SKILLS.

Eff you self help book.  I will continue to blindly stumble along this parenting journey because if I read any more of this stuff, I will probably have to kill someone.

and this.  The reason I can still laugh?  Still see the beauty in everything, still try and be positive.  Because for goodness sakes, look at this beautiful life I am privileged by God to glimpse every day.  

Have a great weekend friends.

Ventage Tuesday Five for Five Dollars (Come and Get Your Love)

Its that time of the week again!  I just made a tuition payment and have three weddings on my horizon so (eek!) trying to be mindful of a budget.  I have a few little luxuries to share, however, that are budget friendly and that happens to be today's topic!  5 things you use daily for $5 or less (Or very very close to it)

1.  You probably have guessed that I love makeup.  So here is the best makeup bargain on the market right now (and perfect for dewy summer looks).

Maybelline Dream Bouncy Blush (shown here in Hot Tamale)  It is selling for $6.44 at Target so it is well below $5/use! (ha, ok so that is a little cheat).  I picked this up after a tip from Katrina and have now purchased it in like 5 colors.  You apply with your fingers - go for the brighter colors and try it out!  Although the colors in the pan might look a little intense, the intense colors work much better!!!

2.  Lego mini-figs ($2.99 per pack).
These little people just make me laugh.  I keep a stash in my office and use them like I am setting up battle scenes when explaining things to my clients.  hahahahaha.  it cracks me up.

3.  An App.  This American Life (free - itunes app store).  I am not a typical NPR listener but I love me some Ira Glass and his profound storytelling.  I often listen to the podcast on my way to work.  

4.  Another beauty product, I promise I am not a vain jerk.  I have become addicted to Watkins Body Oil Mist in Coconut Oil and Honey  this one is $8.99 per bottle but a bottle will last you for MONTHS.  I highly recommend using this right after getting out of the shower.  The smell is awesome and it makes your skin look H-O-T.  

5.  Diet Coke.  I know.  Soda is bad for you (blah blah blah) but I need one.  (or two) every day.  :)  Can be found for $1 at McDonalds for the large and everyone knows that McDonalds has the best fountain soda.  Word.  

Check out what Katrina, Em, Barb, and Steph have on their lists.

And seriously - try these products out!!

To Do List a Snapshot

Hey Ang.  Get your behind in gear.  Don't you see all that needs to be done?  And please please please get to Ikea run.  :)  Maybe if you finish all the crappy tasks on your list you can do the Ikea run.  And don't forget to pay the bills.  

And why does itunes purchases have a star next to it?  is that really the most critical thing on your list?  new Tim McGraw and Pitbull?  seriously?

Date Night With a Younger Man

Things have been a little crazy around here.  Busy, chaos, and although lots of time together, not lots of time "connecting".

One thing that is hard for me being a mom of 3 under 5 is getting one to one time with the kids that is not time out related.  It seems like it is especially hard with Luke because he is already getting one to one time with his sports and activities.

But we all felt like we needed some connecting time.  So our strategy?  Mike and I decided to take dates.  Mike and Dottie on one date and Luke and I on our own date.  Charlie was parked with a babysitter because, well, to be honest, he is 16 months old and is hard to take places that the big kids want to go.  We don't like to leave him out, AT ALL but the older kids seemed to need this.

So away we went.

Luke chose Cranky Pats for dinner.  mmmmm.  super thin crust pizza.

Luke is not a big talker, but he is a LOUD talker.  He was pretty hilarious making lot of commentary on the pizza, the ovens, the baseball game on tv.  We decided that Pat was Cranky because he had to slice so many mushrooms.  He Laughed.  He kept grabbing my hand or high giving me.  He was HAPPY to have his picture taken.  

it. was. 

awesome.

I had picked the activity.  Mini golf.  Something that would be hard with Charlie and Dottie along so it really felt like a big kid night.  Luke had a blast and was pretty good too!  

Just about every other hole he would come and hug me or high five and say, "Im having a bwast, momma".  It almost broke my heart but I refused to be maudlin about it because we were having fun and talking and just relaxing.  He was showing off and being goofy and enjoying being the only kid.  I was enjoying only having one kid with me!  there was no chaos or chasing or generalized anxiety about what was about to go wrong next, just hanging out.  

and he kept agreeing to take pictures with me.  ha.  

The golf place was very close to our favorite Green Bay stomping grounds, Bay Beach.  Luke had never been there at night before when they light up the rides.  We decided that our most excellent date night should include the ferris wheel.  

When the ride was over, we had some extra tickets and we closed out the night with the bumper cars.  

I am feeling so refreshed.  The anxiety has not disappeared and neither have the reasons for said anxiety. but you know what?  our kids are awesome.  They ARE good and well behaved and interesting.  But is hard being a trio sometimes.  Even when you love the other members of your tribe they can drive you nuts.  

Mike and Dottie also had a blast - they ALSO went for pizza (and ordered the same kind we did - pepperoni and green olive) and then went and hung out at the GB Botanical garden.  We laughed so hard that we had "matching" dinners on our date night.  We also had a TON of pizza left so we had pizza for breakfast and Charlie could join in on the fun too.  

We need to do it again because, well, mostly because it felt great .  summer still has some magic even if you don't see the fireflies.  

Wordless Wednesday (sort of) Outtakes - Summer 2013

So I have a love/hate relationship with my iphone camera.  I love that it is handy and that I can snap a ton of quick hit photos.  I hate that because its so handy, I almost never take "real" pictures any more.

If you follow me on instagram (and if you don't - get on that!) you have seen lots of pictures from my summer.  In looking at my iphone camera roll, I thought it would be funny to share some not instagram worthy shots.  Enjoy!