36 - Stuck in the Middle With You.

Yesterday, I turned 36.  I am officially into my late 30's.  You know what?  I am ok with that.  My 30's have been full of the most ups and downs of my entire life.  All my joy and heartache encapsulated into a short decade (well, 6 years to date).

This is a post to remind myself that all that heartache has come with real, lasting and deep joy.

Beginnings and Endings are hard.  I am much better "in the middle"  when you have found the sweet spot of things (even if imperfect) being what you expect.

That should mean that being "in the middle" of my thirties will be awesome.

This is the only picture I took of myself yesterday.  You can't see it, but the necklace I am wearing reads "Good things take time".

I am loved.

These goofballs push me more than I ever expected.  Being a mom is not something that I feel naturally inclined towards - I am impatient, demanding, critical and crave much more down time than I get.  But damn, these kids are more than I am worth.  Challenging, smart, funny and emotional.  I see myself in their struggles and try to make sure I keep in mind that it is about THEM and not ME.  and you know what?  That is fucking hard for me.  :)  But I love them.  I love learning through their eyes and the pure excitement and zest for life.  I love that they hug unabashedly and dance and laugh and cry and hurt and then get over it.  This is the part that moms say flies by - not the sleepless nights, or crying, or cleaning up vomit, the pure LIFE that flows from kids that is too quickly zapped out of them.  

and this guy:  

He is solid.  Cheering me on and the only person on Earth who seems to be able to always (even when he is mad, or I am irritated) read my heart.  The one who won't let me despair because, damn Ang, look at this life we have created.  This journey is all us and not me.

Dear rest of my 30's,

I am ready for you.  And I still intend to look good.

Love,
Angie