First on the First (of November)

My FIRST instinct was to wake him up when my alarm went off at 4:30 and he could still lie in bed.

My FIRST task was to make a large pot of contraband coffee when I got to the office. 

My FIRST thought was to hang up so I wouldn't lash out. 

My FIRST tears of the month came sitting at my desk, hoping no one would notice.  

My FIRST time of allowing myself to feel what a very important persons absence means in my day to day.  

My FIRST dance party of November happened in my kitchen.  

My FIRST bribe?  Chocolate milk.  

My FIRST guilt - knowing how much I have to be grateful for and so damn angry for being a wallower about the rest.