Face the Facts Friday

I have never been so ill prepared for any job as I am for being a mom. 

I hate being unprepared. 

This boy is my 4 and 1/2 years of  joy and challenge. 

Luke has a pretty significant speech delay.  He (and we!) have been receiving speech therapy since he was two.  He is making GREAT strides but still has a long way to go.  He works so hard.  He is my Warrior. 

The thing about being a Warrior, though?  It has some down sides.  That tenacity, the intensity the strength - is coupled with anxiety, fear of failing and anger. 

Dude.  Anger and anxiety effing suck.  Especially for a four year old and his parents. 



Luke goes to an awesome day care.  They have our philosphy about physical activity (great!), large and fine motor skill development (fantastic!) and most of all patience (much needed).  These women work their butt off every day for my kids (and other lucky Green Bay parents/kids) and they have so much love and grace.  I am humbled by the challenges of their job. 

One challenge?  My Warrior.  He is tender hearted, bullish, agressive and emotional.  He struggles to communicate his needs/wants/feelings.  Recently "I am feewling vewy fwustwated" is a common refrain.  He has also been acting out pretty agressively - throwing chairs, threatening to hit the teachers, running away from the group.  This is exacerbated by hard transitions (new kids in/out of the classroom, substitute teachers, etc) and sleep challenges, speech challenges and always being the big kid. 

Yesterday was a hard day for my Warrior.  I picked him up and the first thing he said was, "I made bad choices".

This mom?  Wanted to lock herself in her car and cry.  How can he feel so bad and how can I make it better?  How can I help him channel his emotions and intensity in an ok way?  ARGH? 

I spent some time talking with Luke and his wonderful teacher Miss Meagan.  We agreed that the hardest time of day for him was right after lunch when things started to settle down for quiet/nap time.  We are going to have a call where he can check in with me and get a little momma love.  I hope its enough. 

Last night after dinner, I asked Mike to give Dottie and Charlie a bath.  Luke and I needed to take a walk and get outside.  My sweet Luke talked from the second we left the driveway until 45 minutes later when we returned.  He kept saying.  "I wuv you"  "I wuv when its just you and me"

Heartbreak.  I love having a lot of kids.  I even (most days) love having them close together.  But I usually only look at the good, the bad, they ugly of it - for me.  I forget that it can be hard to be the big brother of our chaotic brood.  That he needs just me or just Mike sometimes. 

Heartbreak #2 - I am not sure how to make that happen frequently enough.

Heartbreak #3 - Frequently enough for all. three. of. them. 

We had such a good walk/talk.  This kid is a gem - he is smart and funny and really really loving. 

I have no idea how I deserve him. 

I found the pictures on my iPhone.  I don't know exactly when he took them, or what he was up to.  But I lvoe the discovery and twinkle in his eye. 

And I need to find a way to maximize twinkle and skills to deal with the not so twinkly stuff.  For both of us.